Week #2 of no YouTube has been really tough on me. ): I want to film sooooo bad but I still want to work on myself and what I want to do before I come back. It sucks though, I think that's been one of my biggest battles this week. I keep watching Saywink, Piinksparkles, Nicole Guerriero, etc. And I JUST WANT TO FILM SO BAD OMFG! But soon enough I will be back, so I'm trying not to think so down and out about it!
Last week I introduced y'all to some of the stuff that I've been dealing with, with this toxic person. It's still been really hard for me to let go, but with the help of David, and my best friends it's been a lot easier on me. My mom has also been a help more now since like I said, she understands what I'm going through.. We should just start from the beginning of the week so I can catch y'all up, okay here goes!
On Monday I started out having a massive anxiety attack...needless to say I was relieved after and feeling better. I've been feeling so much better this week y'all let me tell you. I've had basically like no depressive thoughts of the sort. But I don't want to jinx it so let's just pretend I never said that! :P I hung-out with Danielle that night, went to ice cream, and talked about life. <3 It makes me really happy to be spending more time with David, friends, and family versus spending tons of money on material things. And it made me realize how much I was going to miss her when she went back to school. Which she did this past Thursday. ): Tuesday I spent all day doing my finals for my summer classes, and as of now I still don't know what my grades are for one of them. The semester ends tomorrow and the girl that took over my classes hasn't updated the grades for one of them yet...so I'm a little freaked out to see what my grades are going to be right now. Wednesday was more of the same, finishing the other of my two finals and trying to figure out what my grades might be...which was more of a pain then I can say. -_- Danielle and I went out Wednesday, which if y'all have seen my instagram already knew we went to chili's, ate food, had drinks, and just talked one last time before she was going to abandon me. (Not literally!) Thursday was a nervous day for me because I was going to hangout and talk with one of my best friends, Christina. We've been best friends since 9th grade and we're pretty much the same people so we do butt heads a lot more than I ever have with Danielle. We're both scorpios, fall babies, and we pretty much have the same personalities. She's had her life the past few years and I've had mine. We've hung-out a few times but it's not as much as we wanted with everything we have going on. Needless to say I love her to death and we're the kind of friends that we won't hangout or see each other for a while, but we're always there when the other one needs them. She saw my video I posted last week and as I said in last week's post she really did help to give me a wake up call. She came over, brought me brownies! :P And we just talked for a good couple hours about shit and about that toxic person as well. It was nice to have her come over and be there to talk to about all this shit because I missed her and she knows as well as Danielle or anyone else about the situation for years now. Friday was just a chill out day and then I went to Davids as always! <3 And today David and I had a really annoying day. His car had broken down in a Dunkin Donuts parking lot...and needless to say it was quite irritating. The conclusion I've come up with after all this was mainly that David needs a new car..this one is a joke, and a curse.
Overall I've had a really good week and things mentally have been getting better for me. However my mom is still going to be looking into getting me a doctor's appt for me this week I hope...if she doesn't forget again...-_- And I've also been looking into other means of treatments for my depression and anxiety. Now I do feel that my anxiety is really what's been adding to my depression and is now the main thing that's been bothering me this week. My depression has seemingly gone away, which is nice. But I feel that most of it again was brought on by that toxic person. And now that I've blocked them out of my life, it's a slow recovery process but it's been uplifting. <3 I won't lie to y'all that I do miss this person and I will always love and care about them as a person. Even though I shouldn't even at all. But that's where it ends for me personally. I can't keep letting someone back in my life that just caused all this damage emotionally and mentally. I think I've gotten a lot of my strength from God and just everyone around me. I'm changing myself into the strong woman I know I can be, instead of the shy, scared, weak little girl that I was for so long.
Until next week, I love you.
Love,
Sam<3
PS- I will say I HOPE TO BE BACK on YouTube end of October/early November! <3 :D
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