MY FIRST PROJECT PAN! (MAKEUP EDITION)

(My pic)

Hiiieee,

So I just realized I haven't posted in a month, how crazy is that?  Last time I did update y'all on life, was pretty much when my mind went to a bad place. :(  However, since that post, I've become much happier and determined!

My fiance and I have set a date for our wedding, (and started planning), I've decided to do graduation for my associate's degree, AND I've been job hunting.  Not to mention also trying to figure out getting my license finally. (I'm 24 and I don't drive...I know, I know.)  Besides all of those things, I've decided to stop shopping for Lent. (I am Catholic, but not a strict one.)  But recently I've decided to stop shopping permanently in order to pay for our wedding.  We have a lot of saving to do, let's just say! :P  We've also decided to spend a night in Misquamicut, RI during their Misquamicut Fest, and look at wedding venues!  May also be going Monday to meet with a wedding photographer..SO CRAZY ALL THIS IS HAPPENING AHH!  But I just wanted to give yall the gist of what's happening at the moment, so anyways, onto the post:

I've been seeing a lot of posts on IG (FOLLOW ME HERE LOL IF YOU WANT!)  of these 'Project Pan' challenges.  I've never done it with makeup really, to focus on using something of the sort up.  I am always someone that loves to use something up completely before moving onto another.  If you've been watching me for a while and/or seen any of my 'Empties' videos then you already know that.  But I've never really taken the time to do REALLY use anything up like eyeshadows, bronzers, etc.  Or multiple items at once I should say. 

SO I've decided to participate this time, and I'm hoping to finish all of these items by the end of June!  Included I have:

• Too Faced Born This Way Foundation (More than halfway done)
• Wet n Wild Eyeshadow Palette in 'Comfort Zone' (Already hit pan on one shade)
• Pop Beauty Eyeshadow Trio in 'Orchid Glimmer'
• L'Oreal Infallible Pro Contour Kit in 'Light' (Hit pan on both highlighter and bronzer)
• Maybelline Baby Skin Pore Eraser Primer (More than halfway done)
• Smashbox Pore Minimizing Primer (More than halfway done)

I'm hoping that by the end of June, I'm able to finish out some of these products so I can move onto some of the other makeup in my stash!  My goal is to decrease my makeup and beauty stash/stockpile because it's OUT OF CONTROL.  And I really want to start appreciating what I have rather than keep buying more and more of what I don't need.  

I'm really excited to see what happens, and I encourage yall to do the same if you have either out of control stash or you want to use some already panned and used products and be done with them, so you can move onto the next! (:  I'll give yall an update on what happens next month, on where I am with them! 

Have an awesome Monday!

Love,

Sam<3

Depression.

(pic: google)

Hello, everyone!

So it's been a few weeks since my last post and I thought I should make a post to update y'all about how I'm feeling at the moment.  I know I'm vlogging everything and posting on social media, but I wanted to really IDK type out how I'm feeling.

For those that don't know by now, I quit my job February 6, 2017.  I couldn't stand working for a company and a center that was so unprofessional it was unreal.  As we speak I still haven't been paid for my last week of work.  The one I'm referring to my last post was the week that literally made me start to hate my career path.  I knew it was time to go.  But February 6th did it for me.  If you'd like to hear the story I will link my storytime video about it here:

(channel: SamBeautyxo)

So last week I was depressed because I was back in the position that I never wanted to be in again. Unemployed loser. Hiieee. -_-  I'm sorry my mindset right now isn't good, to say the least.  I was planning on looking for another ASAP, however, I'm realizing that I'm NOT OKAY.  And I need to be okay in order to look for another job.  Not only this, but I'm really stuck and confused over what I want to do.  Since this job made me hate my passion, I was thinking about applying to the Sephora in my town as something different.  But then it occurred to me that I don't have much experience at all in retail.  Only in childcare.  I was also thinking about becoming a nanny for a family maybe, but I'm still unsure about that.  I also haven't been eating well and working out which I know shouldn't be the main focus for me but right now I feel like it's something that could get me back to being myself.  But it's feeling like it's taking longer than I'd like to admit.  

My plan now is basically I don't know what I'm doing.  I'm going to start looking for another job in March maybe by then my mind won't be so clogged and I'll be able to sort out my feelings.  I'm going to eat better and try to work out again so I can have something else to focus on, and I need to get my focus back on my classes because lately, it feels that I've let them slip this semester. (Considering the job I had, and now my depression.)  I'm also starting to sell some things on my Poshmark Closet: https://poshmark.com/closet/omgitssammx3.  I've realized I've accumulated so much that I need to de-stash and de-clutter my life.  So if you'd like to check it out, the link is above.  Anything helps to get us closer to our wedding and our house. :)  Even if you took the time to look, thank you! :D  I've also let someone bother me this past week that didn't really start to bother me up until now.  I'm unsure why tbh, and sad that they just up and left our conversation or respond and talk when it's convenient for them and it's made me really upset.  It's sad that to care for people that don't care.  I've made so much progress with this person and then they abandon me.  Again something I need to work on and build back up.  I just want to be with my fiance, family, friends, and subbies, and see what happens next. 

I'm sorry if this post is quite rambly and I'm repeating my words, I feel fogged and I feel sad.  I had goals and I know I'll achieve them but for now, I need to get back to me.  I don't think I was ever as stressed, anxious and depressed as I am right now and have been from working there.  

I hope y'all have a good weekend and stay positive!  I know things will get better, I just hate how things are right now.

Love, 

Sam<3

Staying Positive! + Getting Organized (AGAIN!)

(My Pic - Probably will upload to Instagram later!)

Hiiieee everyone!

So I know this is the last minute and late night post, but I wanted to talk about staying positive.  As I've said numerous times in my posts since I restarted my blog, I've been having a hard time trying to stay positive and optimistic when it came to many things currently going on in my life.  I can say as a result of my 'after holiday/seasonal depression' I've been quite mean to those around me, and I've been very snappy towards my fiance.  Which I hate it when it happens, and sometimes feels like I can't control it. :(

BUT, since I went to see my therapist last Thursday, she gave me a better perspective besides what I already had in mind.  From my last post, I expressed how I was going to give this job a little more time to turn around.  She suggested after everything negative that has happened so far, to look for another job.  SO that's what I had my sights set on for last weekend, starting the process of looking.  However, Friday I ended up getting a text asking if I wanted to work some hours in the room I wanted to be in! So I'm really happy about that! :D  The bad part is that I'll be alone pretty much the whole time tomorrow and Wednesday, but I'm still happy about getting hours and being with the children!

This has shown me already that the universe can work in mysterious ways.  Just when I felt like I wanted to give up, there was a shred of hope that said keep holding on!  Which is why I wanted to make this post, to tell anyone reading, don't give up!  Don't give up, even though things are shitty and terrible right now, they WILL GET BETTER! <3  Everything ends up being okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end!  I think we've all heard that before, but it is true when you think about it.  Just like when you surround yourself with positive people,  you'll have a happier life, believe me!  Sometimes it doesn't seem so easy when you have depression.  This month I've honestly felt like I've been in limbo.  With all of the stress, and wanting to get back into a routine, I've been really out of my mind so to speak.  So far being positive and optimistic, (At least trying to as I've been watching X-Files all day in bed..LOL.) Are the only things I have to go off of, and needless to say I started this week out not going to the gym like I wanted to, (but decided not to..) and I haven't been eating the greatest.  But all of that can change because I've done it once before and I can do it again!  

I also wanted to add taking one day at a time.  Even though most of the time it's easy for me to do, other times it feels like I'm so overwhelmed that I can't focus. (Like now...)  That's where my planner and my whiteboard come in.  If you've seen one of my videos from a few months ago, using those items are the only way I was able to finish off my last semester and any in school.  But they're also great for keeping your life in order and remind you of daily tasks you need to get done!  I like to look at my Happiness Planner for what I have to do that day.  I like how it is set up day by day so I don't freak out, and it also helps me to stay positive and focus on the good of everyday!

So this week is about to be a little crazy, and although I'm already looking forward to the weekend, I can say already and will that I'm going to have a good week.  Everything is going to be good.  I'm going to get my work done, study for my quiz, do my homework, catch up on editing vlogs, and filming and editing videos for this week!  Not only that but I'm excited to do another live show with my subbies and followers on Friday! (LINK HERE IF YOU WANT TO BE REMINDED TO COME AND SAY HI!)  

I hope you enjoyed this post and gave you some insight on how you can stay positive if you feel as shitty as I have this past month!  Here comes February, and I'm ready for a better month, and a happier year! :D

Love,

Sam 💖

My Plan Now | GET YO SHIT TOGETHER!

(Pic from Google/Buzzfeed)

Hello, Everyone!

So since my last update, I was really thinking about basically giving up on this job and giving up altogether on my career as a teacher.  Since that's how down I felt at that time.

Now that things are becoming a little clearer, I've decided with the advice from my fiance, family, and friends to hang on a little longer.  Roughly I'm thinking the end of February/early March.  And if I don't pick up hours and things don't change much for me, then I'm going to consider looking for another job in my field.  It's honestly no offense to my work, I love the center, I love my bosses, my coworkers, and the children I've encountered so far.  But the downside is that since there are no children, I can't work.  And I need some financial stability right now in order to achieve the goals I set for 2017.  Not even that but for my own peace of mind too.

I still really wish to make YouTube my full-time career, or at least it's a dream of mine to do.  However, I don't think right now I have the opportunity to do that.

Besides all of that, this week I've picked up a little bit with working out and eating a little better.  It's still a struggle to get back on the fitness bus, but so far I'm feeling somewhat better about myself and what I'm doing to change my habits again.  I'm also very happy that during my absence from my journey, I've only gained about 4-5 lbs.  Which doesn't seem like a crazy amount to me so I'm actually thrilled about that!  But nonetheless, things take time and I'm hoping to achieve my first weight-ish goal of 150 by the summer.  That's losing only 14 lbs.  I don't feel so bad about that goal and I hope I can do it.  But I'm really happy so far that I'm doing something instead of doing nothing.

My depression has been kicking my ass this month.  As it does every January.  If you follow my channels on youtube, (SamBeautyxo & SamBeautyxoVlogs)  Then you know that this always happens to me.  I think it's the fear of a new year, and then I overwhelm myself with goals and then I freak out. - Not good.  So I'm trying to take things slow and to look at the bigger picture of what's going on right now.  I'm hoping that I can achieve everything I set out to do in 2017, but I have to remember that I don't have to do everything RIGHT THIS SECOND.  Taking things day by day.

As for my financial stability, I've temporarily for now turned back to my Poshmark page. (omgitssammx3 - if you want to check it out!)  I'm currently only selling my old iPhone 6/6S cases that I cannot use anymore since I have a 7 Plus.  So far I've made a sale so I'm very happy I decided to open it up again!  It's not the fact that I need money and I don't want people to think that all I want is money, no.  I want to plan a wedding, get a house, have a future with my future husband.  I also have bills too so it's not for me to spend freely what I want anymore.  I really want to have a better life than what I have right now.  Even if it's out of my control at the moment, I still want a chance to move out and be with my fiance.  If that makes sense.  I don't want to be stuck at my mom's forever!  Again I'm 24, and most people frown upon that.  But it's not even about that, it's for myself and wanting to have more independence as an adult.  As much as adulting sucks, I want to make my life better and get myself ready for marriage and babies!

In regards to spending money, I'm honestly not planning on going shopping randomly as much as I used to.  I don't think I could stop completely but I don't think I'm as crazy as I was years ago.  I'm also trying to focus on finishing the products in my stash and products I have before buying more, same going for makeup, perfume, etc.  I'm also going to try and clean out my closet and clean out my clothes ONCE AGAIN. I've already done away with a bunch of clothes, but however, I still have a lot that I need to face the fact and realize, I don't wear them. Even as bad as I want to.

So I think that concludes this post for now.  I just wanted to update yall on what my plan is right now for my life, and financially.  I forgot to mention but so far the school has been a struggle too but I feel like its mainly my depression doing it.  Either way, I hope to get better with everything and I'm happy I'm going to therapy tonight!  I haven't seen my therapist since before Christmas.  Yes, I know crazy.  I don't know how I'm surviving right now.  But I'm staying positive and I'm trying!  At the end of the day, that's all that matters!

I'm GETTING MY SHIT TOGETHER! :D

Love,

Sam 💖

My Problem with Change. | Changing Careers?

(Pic from Tumblr)

Hello again!

It's been a few days since my last post..LOL JK I'm literally writing this after I just published my first in forever! :P  

Today I wanted to talk about my problem with change.  I have anxiety and depression and I've noticed that I don't handle change well.  Mostly because I'm scared.  Scared of what will happen, how the future will be affected, etc.  I discussed this in a few of my videos on my channel (LINK HERE).  And even now switching over to start working at the center, going back to school, and trying to figure out how to adult is very difficult for me.  I'm 24, you would think someone my age would have their shit together right? WRONG. OH SO VERY WRONG.  Even though I'm making progress slowly, and I shouldn't compare myself to others..sometimes I do feel discouraged that I wished I was where I think I should be.  But things take time, and effort and nothing is ever easy!  

Which is led me to think this week after my horrid first sort of week at work, I may change careers.  Not because I hate my job or anything like that.  But so far I strongly feel that I'm not meant to be there.  Maybe it's a sign, who knows. (Even though I need to stop thinking that way..)  So many bad little things have been happening the last few months and weeks that have me convinced maybe I'm not meant to work there.  

I've been saying for a very long time now that I wish I could go meet my subscribers, go to events, and live my life doing something I love...making videos.  I love making videos more than anyone knows.  I don't think I could ever stop even if I tried.  The sad part about YouTube is that you have to be 'noticed' or have nice equipment, be a certain way, etc.  I don't care about all of that. I film on my iPhone 7 Plus and I think my photos and videos come out just fine thank you very much!  I love talking with my subscribers, getting to know them, interacting, etc.  I want to go meet them at BeautyCon, IMATS, VidCon.  I want to do all those things.  I personally don't care about free shit or being sponsored by brands.  I really don't.  I thought I did at one point, but it's not about that.  It's about caring for people, caring for your subscribers, and appreciating them because without them you'd be SHIT.  Seriously, though.  I can't stand YouTubers that 'forget' or barely post once they have millions of subscribers, or brag about how much $$ they spent on something, or hell even only using their social medias to promote products or their "go comment this emoji on my IG pic!'.  NO NO NO NO NO. None of that.  I want to be more than that. I want to make a difference in someone's life.  I don't want to be a literal asshole. (I am an asshole but a sarcastic one, never literal to hurt feelings!)  It's ridiculous what YouTube has become and I wish I could help to make a difference  and to change the way things are.  Not only in the beauty community or in general but, forever.  I wish so badly I could be given a chance to do that.  It's also not that I don't love working with children because I do and I still do want to so badly become a mom and a wife.  But I want more than I've had, and I want things to change.

So maybe not right this second in time, but definitely soon, I MAY make a career change.  I MAY attempt at making more of a difference. And I MAY even switch everything I know and love right now (career wise) into something better.  I will pray on this, and hopefully, my angels will guide me to making the right decision.  Because right now y'all, I feel down and discouraged.  I know I need to give this job more of a chance too which I will do..but I can say right now.  I'm not planning on staying there forever.

I got some other shit to do. :)

Sam 💖

I'M BACK! Again... | Taking Mental Health Days

(Follow my IG: omgitssammx3! )

Well hello everyone!

It's been a long ass time since I posted on here.  I tend to do that so I'm sorry in advance!  But I've been reading so many blogs the past month, I wanted to start up mine again.  Kinda as a mental health sort of lifestyle, beauty blog! (:  SO I hope you don't mind!

I just read my last blog post that I NEVER posted from this past July.  To sum up, I basically talked about things that have been bothering me and me reflecting on each of those things.  The good thing about that post now is that I'm much happier than when I wrote that draft and a lot of those things aren't bothering me or have much effect on me anymore! (:

But for those that follow my youtube channels, 'SamBeautyxo & SamBeautyxoVlogs', you pretty much already know me, or if you've followed this blog since the beginning...LOL.  But if you haven't let me just give a little update on me:

I am currently working..barely at a childcare center, I just qualified for my Associate's Degree in ECE last month...THANK GOD! :D And I just made the drastic decision last week to cut off all of my hair so that I can let my natural hair grow back.  (Which I haven't seen since I was 12. No NOT KIDDING.)  Not to mention, my fiance and I want to start planning our wedding, and we want to buy a house.  Both of those seem nearly impossible at the moment because we're not financially stable still..and I'm barely working.   The reason why is because the center I work at JUST opened last month.  Bad timing for a childcare center to open, and getting children to be enrolled is becoming quite a process.  But I did work a little last week so I'm grateful for that...even if it did follow by a panic attack. (Maybe I'll talk about that in a video..idk yet.)

The other is that I haven't had a steady workout routine or eating routine in 2-3 months now.  WHICH SUCKS.  I feel like I've been trying to hard, yet failing miserably in the process.  Hopefully I can get back on it soon, its been an up and down battle getting back into a routine, and with added stresses it hasn't been he easiest yet. 

I also have developed psoriasis. GREAT.  Which I hate but I realize things could be worse in life, so I'm trying to deal and bare with it.

SO onto the post..LOL!

This week I wasn't scheduled to work so I've been taking it easy at home.  Which I'm not going to argue with!  I've been enjoying staying comfy in my PJs, watching TVs, Tana Mongeau..etc.  Last week I was doing better with eating and working out a little but this week I sort of failed.  I'm trying to take my own advice and not stress about the process to getting healthy again.  Because I know that you can eat what you want in moderation, and I do know how I should be eating.  I'm also thinking much is probably because it's that time...ya know ladies.  So today I have been eating chocolate chip cookies.  I also have an 8 pack of Reese's I haven't touched and I bought a Cracker Barrel mac and cheese dinner. (Which I've never had and I am excited about!)  But maybe later, my stomach hurts just writing this. (Why do I do this to myself.-_-)  

Anyways, I believe in mental health days, I think they're a great way to clear your mind and have some time for yourself, and to relax.  I personally don't have a problem with them.  It only becomes a problem when you make it a bad habit.  Calling out from work, school all the time and you know it's not beneficial anymore.  More than rather either an issue of how you're feeling as a whole in life.  Growing up I would take these 'mental health days'.  Sometimes my mom knew I wasn't sick but she'd let me stay home anyways.  This didn't happen all the time, but once in a while she understood that I just wanted to be home.  I remember one year I wanted to go home from school so badly and I would try to all the time. 4th grade I believe it was..almost every week I was at the nurse begging to go home.  But they caught on quick with that, that was an example of a bad habit.  Now I like to take mental health days weekly if I can.  If I'm not working, and don't have anything going on I will have that day to myself.  Like today.  But be careful because sometimes it can turn into procrastination, which happens a lot more than I'd like to admit.  Overall, I think if you're able to take a day to yourself without kids, stress, or in general, I recommend you do!  Since I have anxiety and depression, sometimes its also good for me to get a better handle on things!  :)

Until my next post,

Sam <3

PROS AND CONS OF THE MAKEUP ERASER!

(Photo from thestarglam.com)

Happy Thursday!

Today I wanted to give y'all the rundown on the famous, "Makeup Eraser"!  Now I know there's still many skeptics in our midst on this product, but I believe it to be a miracle worker personally!  However, there are a few cons I've found while using the pink one. (I also have a black one that I haven't experienced these minor issues with so I'm not sure if it's just the colored ones- pink, red, & white - red is a limited edition on Sephora (click here) or if it's just me lets be honest!)

So let's start off with the pros!  The pros to the makeup eraser are astronomical.  It removes all your makeup just by getting the cloth wet and using circular motions to remove the makeup.  Then by flipping the cloth over, you use the other side to sort of buff or clear away residue makeup that may have been left behind.  All in all, I noticed a big difference right away with the timing it took for me to take off my makeup.  Back in December before I bought my first one, I used to use makeup remover wipes and eye makeup remover.  And trust it was an LONGGGGGGGGG process to get off my face makeup and then take off my eye makeup.  But using the eraser I was able to cut half of that time which was incredible! 😍😊  The other thing I noticed were my acne breakouts became less and less.  I knew many of them had to have been with why I was using to take off my makeup, let's be honest.  Cause when you use those products usually it leaves sometimes a film behind or residue makeup you couldn't get before.  That's where the breakouts happen for me.  Besides touching my face, (Which is a habit I'm trying to break!), and hormonal breakouts, or not cleaning my face as well as I should, many of my breakouts disappeared.  Now I know it's not just excess makeup from makeup removers that would cause my acne, I feel like much of the ingredients these companies use in the removers are horrid for your skin too.  Ever since I found Lush Cosmetics for my skincare, I've been looking into more natural things with less harmful ingredients, especially those that irritate my skin! (Which there will be an updated skin care routine soon if y'all request it!)  The other benefits to this product is that it is TOTALLY WORTH THE PRICE!  A makeup eraser retails for $20.  Which so far has lasted me almost a year with using it repeatedly.  SO let's do some math.  (I'm using 8 months because that's how long I've had my pink eraser!)  $20 / 8 MONTHS = $2.50 A MONTH!  Compared to spending money on makeup remover wipes which are usually $5.  I used to buy 2 packs a month roughly.  So $10 X 8 MONTHS = $80?!?!  THAT'S INSANE!  So by using the makeup eraser and paying $20 only once, I've saved around $77.50 on makeup removers!  I also want to mention that you do have to replace the eraser every 1000 washes.  I am going to be replacing my pink one very soon!

Now the cons of the makeup eraser I don't like to talk about.  I haven't heard anyone talk about those yet so let's break it down with what I've experienced.  Again I'm not sure if I've been the only one but with my pink eraser sometimes upon washing it in the washing machine, much of the makeup wouldn't come off.  I found myself using a Resolve stain remover before tossing it in the wash.  Another would be after you're done using the eraser washing your face.  I usually put it on the side of my hamper to dry.  But sometimes it wouldn't dry completely and smell funky. And no one's going to put something gross on your face if it smells right?  Also with using the Resolve stain remover I feel like it was making the fabric less soft and rougher in a way so maybe that's all on me.  The other con is that this is a product you have to wash every so often when the cloth if filled with makeup. (At least that's what I do!) I wash both of mine every 4-5 uses.  Sometimes later since I only use one for when I go to David's on the weekends, etc.!  So that could be a bit of a pain if you're an on the go type of person and don't have time to wash your makeup eraser or hell your laundry!  My black makeup eraser also hasn't experienced the staining thankfully and I haven't used the Resolve on it so that one so far has been great and I love it!  Now to clean my pink makeup eraser I use some Tide Laundry Detergent on it and rub it into the spots of makeup.  Then I toss it in my washing machine with my laundry!  

All in all, I do believe the makeup eraser is a great way to remove makeup and is environmentally friendly saves you money, and lasts up to 1000 uses!!  I'm not sure where I'm at with my pink one but I do believe I'll be replacing it soon..since I bought it back in December!  It is worth it for me, but is it worth it for you? 😊🙊

Xo,

Sam ❤️